Garfield Dishes it Out
by Ellis97
Summary: In these stories; Jon decides to get slim and trim which Garfield is very intrigued by, Orson and his friends put on a play for the whole barnyard population and an old friend of Jon's comes for an unexpected visit.
1. Muscle Maniac

**Author's Note:**

 **Get ready for another installment in the Garfield series, with these stories, we can be sure we'll see some humor with Garfield, Wade and the whole gang from Muncie.**

 **Theme song time!**

 **Friends are there, to help you get started to give you a push on your way!**

 **Friends are there, to turn you around, get your feet on the ground for a brand new day!**

 **They'll pick you up when you're down!**

 **Help you swallow your pride when something inside, helps you break down through to the other side!**

 **Friends are someone you can open up to, when you feel like you're ready to flip.**

 **When you've got the world on your shoulders, friends are there to give you a tip!**

 **And friends are there when you need them! They're even there when you don't!**

 **For a walk in the park or a shot in the dark, friends are there!**

 **I don't care!**

 **But friends will care for you!**

 **Garfield** : You've got us confused. I'm real and you're in a story!

* * *

Our story opens up in Jon's bedroom where we see him in his underwear?

"Hey Garfield," Jon looked at himself in the mirror "Guess what?"

"You finally got a spine?" Garfield looked at Jon.

"Did you know that muscles earn respect?" Jon told him while flexing. "Did you know that chicks go crazy over girls who have muscles?"

Garfield stood on his hind legs and started flexing and he had huge muscles. Jon gasped at the very sight of Garfield's muscles.

"Did you know you can flex muscles?" Garfield looked at the readers.

Jon went downstairs to the kitchen to have a cup of joe with Lyman.

"I don't believe it, Lyman" he said "Garfield has more muscle than me and he's a walking earthquake."

"Maybe we should start working out?" suggested Lyman. "Maybe we'll get some muscles."

"That's actually not a bad idea, Lyman" said Jon "We all can work out."

"Hear that Odie?" Lyman pet Odie "We're gonna get big and strong!"

"Ruff!" Odie barked.

Jon and Lyman went to the sports store and bought some exrercise stuff; dumbells, flexing stuff and other exercise stuff that I can't name. The very next day, Jon, Lyman and Odie were gonna take a morning jog.

"Morning Jon" said Lyman.

"Morning Lyman" Jon said back.

"Ready for our morning jog?" Lyman asked.

"Yep" said Jon "Be right with you!"

Jon went upstairs and saw Garfield sleeping in his bed.

"GARFIEEEEELLLLD!" he shouted and kept patting his head "Rise and shine buddy! Time to go jogging!"

Garfield hissed and showed Jon his razor sharp claws. A few minutes later, Jon came back downstairs all scratched and messed up.

"Where's Garfield?" Lyman asked Jon.

"I think I'll let him sleep in" Jon said in a dizzy manner.

Lyman and Odie went outside and started jogging all around the cul-de-sac, Jon however, couldn't keep with all those scratches Garfield gave him. After making a jog to the pharmacy for some adhesive medical strips and Neosporin.

After recovering, he was ready to lift up some weights. Garfield was watching him to see how this would out.

"This is it little buddy!" Jon bent down to lift the weight "Time for me to start weight training and take my step into hunkhood."

Jon kept trying to lift up the weight with both of his hands, but he had no success whatsoever. Finally, he lifted it up.

"HYAH!" Jon lifted up the weight, which was a weight only 13 inches long. "One."

"My hero" Garfield rolled his eyes.

After a few hours of working out (or least attempting to get fit), Jon came back to Garfield to lecture him once again.

"You know Garfield, exercise really pays" he began his lecture.

"Not enough" Garfield thought.

"Wanna know what I got from lifting weights?" he asked.

"A herina?" Garfield thought.

"Rippling biceps!" Jon showed his new "muscles".

"That reminds me," Garfield looked at Jon flexing "Are you making spaghetti?"

Jon kept trying to flex his "muscles" really hard more times, but ketp failing. Garfield got annoyed (as usual) and flexed his tail, which had a large muscle.

"Very funny!" Jon shouted.

A couple of days later, Jon came back with once again, another lecture for Garfield.

"Weight lifting has really helped me Garfield," Jon told him "Just look at all this muscle."

Jon showed his arm and flexed his muscle at Garfield.

Garfield was shocked "Oooh. Let me feel."

He pinched the muscle which instantly fell the moment it was touched.

Jon gasped "You killed it!"

"It was sick anyways" Garfield looked at the muscle.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Looks like Jon is gonna have to wait a really long time till his muscle comes in! But anyways, let's get down to US Acres and see what Orson, Wade, Lanolin and the others are up to! I hear they are gonna put on a show for the other animals! I wonder what play they're gonna do, just wait and see!**


	2. Orson and Juliet

Our story opens at US Acres where Orson is in his mudhole reading a book, as usual.

"What are you reading Orson?" Wade asked him.

"I'm reading a story called, Romeo and Juliet" said Orson "It's a tale about two young lovers who are forbidden to be together, due to issues with their respective families."

"Sounds romantical, Orson" said Wade.

"You know I just got a great idea" said the pig "Why don't we put on a play for the entire barnyard?"

"Us? Act on stage?" Wade asked.

"Sure" said Orson "We've got something like a stage in the barn and there's a whole box of costumes. I'm sure the others would love to put on a play. Come on. Let's go round up Roy and the sheep."

"But I get stage fright" Wade gulped.

Soon, Orson gathered up Wade, Roy, Lanolin and Bo for the play.

"Remind, why we're doing this?" Lanolin asked.

"Because, Orson said he wants to see us for something great and important" said Bo "What's going on Orson?"

"We're gonna put on a play for the entire barnyard" Orson explained "All the horses, cows, chickens, pigs, ducks and stuff are gonna be there and we'll be showing off our amazing acting skills."

"Acting?" Roy pondered "Not a bad idea. I could really whoo some barnyard ladies with my impressive skills."

"What play are we gonna do, Orson?" Wade asked "I forgot what you said earlier."

"We're gonna do Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet" Orson said "It's a tale of storng, everlasting love."

"How wonderful" Bo smiled "I love romance stories."

"Yeah" Lanolin added "Romeo and Juliet is my favorite story of all time too."

"Gee Lanlolin," said Orson "You really love this story?"

"Sure" Lanolin smirked "I love that they can't be together and that they die at the end!"

"Die?" Wade gasped "AAHHHH!"

"Don't worry Wade" said Orson "This isn't real, it's just a play. So, I've made some choices..."

"Oh please!" Roy begged "Can I play Romeo? I want to be the handsome leading man! I want to be the one who gets the girl! Please! Please! Please with sugar on top?"

"Oh fine" said Orson "Roy will be Romeo, Bo will be Capulet, I'll be Montague, Wade will be Prince Tybalt, Blue will be Rosalina, Cody will be the Nurse and Lanolin will be Juliet."

"WHAT?!" Lanolin and Roy shouted at the same time.

"I can't be Juliet if Roy's going to be Romeo" said Lanolin "I hate Roy!"

"Same to you, ugly!" Roy spat back.

"Fine, fine, fine" said Orson "I'll be Romeo and Roy, you'll be Montague."

"That's more like it" Lanolin said "Now, all we need to do is get some rehearsing done."

For the next few days, Orson and his friends got ready for the play. They rehearsed, practiced their lines, tried on their costumes and even told all the other animals in the barnyard about the play. Finally, the night of the play had come. Everyone from all over the farmland had come together.

Wade looked backstage from the curtains "Great Gatsby! The whole barnyard has come!"

"Boy," Orson peeked through the curtain "The seats are full."

Indeed the seats were full. Booker and Sheldon were in the front row. Surrounding them were all sorts of animals from all over the barnyard; there were cows, horses, ponies, sheeps, pigs, ducks, gooses, roosters, chickens, goats and even some animals from the woods.

"Okay gang" said Orson "We've gotta really let them know we've put our best effort into this play for the past week. Ready?"

"Ready" said everyone.

"Uh, yeah" Wade said "I think so."

Orson went outside to announce their special play.

"Greetings citizens from US Acres" said Orson "Thank you for coming to our rendetion of Romeo and Juliet! A tragedy of romance and emotion. So just sit back and enjoy the show. No snacks or drinks allowed."

All the animals that had popcorn or drinks put their snacks and drinks away.

"No cell phones either" Orson added.

"We don't have cell phones, Orson" Lanolin poked her head out of the curtain "We animals can't talk to humans! Plus, we don't have any money to pay for the minutes."

"Oh" said Orson "Never mind then. Well just sit back and enjoy the show!"

Yes! The show went on as planned. Then, came the part where Romeo and Juliet met at the balcony.

"Oh Romeo," Lanolin said on the balcony "Where for art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name; Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I'll no longer be a Capulet.

Backstage, Orson was nervous about the scene and wasn't so sure about this.

"Come on Orson" Roy chuckled "Go over there and don't be a chicken."

"I'm a pig!" Orson told Roy "You're a chicken!"

"Rooster, that is" Roy added.

"Then get out there and break a leg, buddy" Bo gave him a pat on the back.

"Okay!" Orson breathed in deeply.

Orson walked onto the stage and finally got the courage to do his scene.

"Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?" Orson said dramatically.

"Gee Sheldon," Booker said to Sheldon in the audience "You think pop will have to kiss our aunt?"

"Good thing I can't see it" Sheldon said.

"Yeah, its disgusting" Booker said "If they choke or if something goes wrong, I'll bet you all my worm traps."

Eventually, the part where Lanolin and Orson were supposed to kiss happened.

"If I profane with my unworthiest hand" Orson took Lanolin's hand "This holy shrine, the gentle sin is this: my lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss."

"Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, which mannerly devotion shows in this, for saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss." Lanolin said.

"Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?" Orson got closer to Lanolin.

"Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer" Lanolin got closer to Orson.

"O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do" Orson got even closer "They pray; grant thou, lest faith turn to despair."

"Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake" Lanolin got even closer.

"Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take" Orson closed his eyes.

"Hoo hoo hoo!" Roy chuckled "This is going to be epic! Good thing I brought my camera! Wade, go get the camera!"

"Roger!" Wade saluted.

Wade ran to a barrell and grabbed an instant camera, but before Wade could get back, he tripped on a rope and caused a sandbag, standing on top of Orson to break loose and fall right onto Orson.

Just as Orson and Lanolin were about to kiss, the sandbag fell right onto Orson and caused him to fall forward and fall onto Lanolin, which caused her to knock a small, but important part of the castle, which knocked down the rest of the sets backstage and the whole set was wrecked.

"Uh, we're gonna need to um...uh...thanks for coming folks!" Orson gulped as the curtains were closing.

"You owe me your worm traps" Sheldon told Booker.

While the other animals left the barn, Orson and the others started to clean up the set.

"So much for the play" Lanolin sarcastically said.

"Sorry guys" Wade said "I screwed up."

Orson sighed "No Wade, you just tripped."

"Maybe our next play should be the Lion King" Bo suggested as he, Wade and Roy went to clean up the sets.

"I'm afraid of lions" said Wade "Why don't we do something like, Hairspray?"

"Or how about, Hamlet?" Roy suggested "Or something like Cats?"

"Now that's something I could do" Blue said.

While Orson and Lanolin were cleaning, they had a little side conversation of their own.

"In a way, I'm glad Wade ruined the play" Orson told her.

"Yeah" Lanolin chuckled "Imagine, a sheep and pig kissing."

"Now that's just ridiculous" Orson laughed.

Just then, Orson felt that something was on his cheek, and it only took a few seconds to realize that Lanolin was kissing him on the cheek.

"Gee, Lanolin" Orson blushed and chuckled "I don't know what to say"

"Good!" Lanolin said in a vicious manner "Cause you are not going to tell anyone! Capisce?"

Orson gulped and nodded.

"Bleh" Lanolin gagged "It tastes like bacon"

"She has tasted...bacon?" Orson gulped "Now I'm really scared."

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Well the play didn't exactly turn out like Orson or the gang planned, but it still turned out not so bad. Now lets get back to the suburbs and see what Garfield is up to!**


	3. Old Friends, New Snark

Our story opens at the Arbuckle house where we see Jon talking to Garfield, who is as usual, lying down on his back.

"My old chum from school is coming today, Garfield" Jon told his cat.

"Great" Garfield said in his thoughts "Now I got more things to worry about"

Just then, the doorbell rang.

"There he is now!" Jon ran to the front door.

He opened it and there was a guy about Jon's age, and boy were they happy to see each other.

"Wheezer!" Jon happily exclaimed.

"Carp Face!" the guy said back.

Garfield walked right out of the door and into the front yard.

"Maybe Jon can check me into a pet kennel till this guy gets lost" Garfield thought.

As Jon and Wheezer were walking back into the house, Jon saw Garfield walking right off the porch.

"Hold on Garfield" Jon picked up his cat "I want you to meet Wheezer, you'll love him"

"I'd rather cough up hairballs" Garfield said in his thoughts.

Jon placed Garfield down on the couch where Wheezer was sitting.

"Wheezer, this is my cat Garfield" Jon showed Wheezer Garfield.

"Well I'll be darned" Wheezer poked Garfield in the stomach "He looks just like you Carp Face!"

"Now that is an offensive stereotype!" Garfield hissed at Wheezer.

"Haw haw haw!" Jon started laughing in Wheezer's face.

"Honk! Honk!" Jon started flapping his arms.

"It's gonna be a long week" Garfield slouched.

An hour later, Jon put some cat food into Garfield's bowl.

"Chow time, Garfield" Jon put Garfield's food bowl on the countertop "Come and get it"

"Finally, something right" Garfield leaped onto the table.

While Garfield started eating, Jon and Wheezer started looking through their old middle school yearbook.

"Here we are in biology class" Wheezer pointed to the photos.

"Yeah" Jon said "Good times"

"Remember dissecting the frogs?" Wheezer asked him.

Garfield's eyes widened and he swallowed his food.

"And I put that lung down your shirt?" Wheezer asked Jon.

"I'm trying to eat here" Garfield glared at them "Save your science projects for the Geek Squad!"

Jon and Wheezer kept looking through the yearbook, while Garfield was sitting right beside them.

"Hey, there we are at the prom!" Wheezer pointed to some more pictures.

"Too bad we couldn't get any dates" Jon pointed out.

"That strapless chiffon gown was you" Wheezer told him.

"I think the tiara was kind of a stretch" Jon remarked.

"I've heard enough" Garfield leaped off the couch "Then again, there might be some more embarrassing stuff on Jon"

Garfield leaped right in between Wheezer and Jon and looked at the yearbook.

"Hey Garfield" said Wheezer "Here's your owner's senior picture!"

Garfield saw a photo and there was Jon as an 18 year old. He had a buzz cut, zits and a retainer. Jon started breaking down and sobbing.

"That explains a lot" Garfield smiled.

"Hey Carp Face!" Wheezer said to Jon "Remember when we used to do the Lizard?"

"Yeah" Jon said "Let's do it now!"

Jon and Wheezer laid down on their backs and started to do floppy moves.

"I can't get up" Jon said to Wheezer.

"Neither can I" Wheezer added.

"Who says you can't go back" Garfield smiled at the readers.

Soon enough Jon and Wheezer got up from the floor and it was time for Wheezer to go home.

"Boy that was fun" Jon walked with Wheezer "I don't think I'll do the Lizard again, though"

"Me neither" said Wheezer.

"Well thanks for coming to visit Wheezer" Jon said.

"See you soon, Carp Face!" Wheezer added.

As they were saying goodbye, they both started to make funny faces at each other and do weird gestures with their bodies.

"I hate long goodbyes" Garfield said in his thoughts "Makes me wanna cough up a hairball"

 **THE END**

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Now that's something Garfield will see in his nightmares tonight. When it's like Jon, it's something he'll never live down in all of his nine lives. Get ready soon for another story starring Garfield and his friends real soon.**


End file.
